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is pulling up to the wrong side of the petrol pump for the third time this week. • It’s a check engine light blinking for no reason and hearing your mechanic say that no reason costs one thousand. • It’s back aches. Neck pains. The unbearable numbness of butt cheeks. • It’s buying a car that goes from 0 to 100 in 6.4 seconds but crawling at 5 kilometres an hour for the next 30 minutes. • It’s a dent. A scratch. Bumper to bumper to bumper to bump-bump. • It’s wiping pigeon excrements off your windshield. • It’s running out of wiper fluid, so now you’re smudging pigeon excrements on your windshield. • It’s finding out the hard way that pigeons move in flocks. • It’s road rage. Obscenities. Profanities you didn’t know existed until you invented them. • It’s screaming at that blatspangled trizzlecrunker who cut you off only to realise that he’s a sweet old grandpa driving his grandson to football practice. • It’s seeing grandma wave at you from the backseat and feeling bad for calling her husband a trizzlecrunker. • It’s circling for a parking spot — when you really need to use the bathroom. • It’s parallel parking into a tight corner with three cars behind you and a group of spectators ready to make you go viral on TikTok — when you really, really need to use the bathroom. • It’s dropping your house keys in that godforsaken crevice between the driver’s seat and the handbrake and dislocating your shoulder as you try to pull them out with the determination of a madman — because you absolutely, positively, need to use the bathroooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo